I am turning 31 years this November. I have a boy, he's 5 and he's such an amazing and gifted boy and I can assure you that he will be someone important when he grows up. He is the center of my life. Having him has taught me a lot though and one of the lessons that I learned that you can be dishonest to people, and get away with it but if you ever start lying or being dishonest with yourself then you are up for self destruct.
I have never really been honest with myself, I have been lying to myself for a while with saying I am doing okay and something doesn't bother me while it does. I have also realised that one of the factors that lead to suicide and depression is the art of emotional dishonesty. We never get to confront the issues that bother us and so many times we tend to just push it down and put a cement on top of it and pretend everything is all good, Eventually that cement will start cracking up. I have lied to myself that I was emotionally stable and all okay for 27 years and I thought that the reasons why I resorted to self destruct was just part of me being me. I never realized that, I was destroying myself because of the dishonesty I have been feeding myself all those years and it eventually became a habit.
I have realized that you can only lie to other but to yourself its just a matter of time before those lies start surfacing up again. When the issues started showed up, it was exactly like a clogged drained overflowing in Independence avenue. It will be blasting up in the sky like an explosion and it stinks.The truth is ugly and has a very bad taste, but confronting it and making me see things for how they are instead of how I fantasies them has always done the magic. I am glad that I am aging like fine wine and at the same time I have more wisdom than I could ask for.
Thank you Lord Jesus for this wisdom, till then I am going to face my life in truth and go through the storm with much grace and wisdom, knowing that I am highly favored and God is on my side overflowing my cup with grace and wisdom.
Tuesday, 11 September 2018
Friday, 7 September 2018
There is a lesson in every pain
I have been taught to just let it go. Don't worry, everything will be alright with time. You will get over that. Forget it, with time all this will end. Those are the advices you get when you just tell someone that I am having so much hurt or pain. No one ever told me to stop being a little girl over issues and start facing them like a woman. Its okay to feel pain, hiding it makes it worse. Its okay to feel heartbroken over a guy who you thought you had a future with. Its always good to allow yourself to feel, because feeling pain is part of life.
When I lost my Mom, it took me a year to stop mourning her loss. I cried myself to sleep every day for the whole year. I was hurt, I was angry. I felt alone and I was literally forced to be a mother to my young brother who was just 3 years younger than me. Mind you I was only 15 years old. There is one thing that my Mother taught me though, is to always be strong. I had to be strong, I had to fight all odds and keep my head above the water, sometimes its only the nose even so I don't drown. I made it, I got a job I bought a house. My brother became independent, we are all grown ups now, but I never really dealt with my pain. I never really let it all out and be vulnerable because I have to be strong.
When my Mom gave me that advice, it came from a very noble perspective, but how i intercept it though was totally different. The truth is I was angry with her. She left me to look out for the child that she made. I was angry because I never really had to be a child and be childish like my peers. I had to always be an adult and be a mother to someone who is literally my age.
That pain that I felt those years shaped me, if it was not for that pain I will not be the leader that I am today. If it was not for that pain, I would have never been taught to be independent and be a person that I am today. When I became a mom at 26 I already had over 11 years of Mom experience. My son, is just a 2.0 better version of how I raised my brother. My son is a gentlemen, well mannered and properly raised by me, because whatever mistake I made in raising my brother I made sure they were corrected when I had my baby.
The pain of losing my Mother taught me one thing, that death is a part of life. Death can change a lot of things in a person life, but death and pain shapes a person's character.
When I lost my Mom, it took me a year to stop mourning her loss. I cried myself to sleep every day for the whole year. I was hurt, I was angry. I felt alone and I was literally forced to be a mother to my young brother who was just 3 years younger than me. Mind you I was only 15 years old. There is one thing that my Mother taught me though, is to always be strong. I had to be strong, I had to fight all odds and keep my head above the water, sometimes its only the nose even so I don't drown. I made it, I got a job I bought a house. My brother became independent, we are all grown ups now, but I never really dealt with my pain. I never really let it all out and be vulnerable because I have to be strong.
When my Mom gave me that advice, it came from a very noble perspective, but how i intercept it though was totally different. The truth is I was angry with her. She left me to look out for the child that she made. I was angry because I never really had to be a child and be childish like my peers. I had to always be an adult and be a mother to someone who is literally my age.
That pain that I felt those years shaped me, if it was not for that pain I will not be the leader that I am today. If it was not for that pain, I would have never been taught to be independent and be a person that I am today. When I became a mom at 26 I already had over 11 years of Mom experience. My son, is just a 2.0 better version of how I raised my brother. My son is a gentlemen, well mannered and properly raised by me, because whatever mistake I made in raising my brother I made sure they were corrected when I had my baby.
The pain of losing my Mother taught me one thing, that death is a part of life. Death can change a lot of things in a person life, but death and pain shapes a person's character.
Thursday, 6 September 2018
They are called energies for a reason
If there is something I have learned to master in 2018 is to listen to your gut feeling. We are so clouded by the act that people put up when you first meet them without actually looking to feel that person's energy and see what vibe they bring out. Have you ever been close to someone and just feel such restlessness or sudden sadness? That is you picking up their energies and if you are not careful you can become like those people whose energies you absorb.
There is a proverb that says that you are the company which you keep, its not like the people you associate with teach you to be like them, you automatically just absorb their energies and viola, you are exactly like them. Birds of the same feather flock together right? Exactly that.
Imagine being a person who has just decided that I will never drink alcohol again then you start hanging out with drunkards who are ever telling you Bernah, why dont you just try this drink, it is very sweet next thing you are hooked to the alcohol and it will take you exactly 2 decades or more to just get rid of that addiction. However if you get to look inside of you and reboot your system, you will realize that you are not like them. You never really enjoy to clubs, you would rather be at home be in your underwear and watch The blacklist from morning till night and also find out 1000 ways to make an income instead of spending it unnecessarily on alcohol and also discover your God given gifts of writing and entrepreneurship.
Yesterday, I watched a You tube clip on a man called Ted Williams who just got addicted to crack cocaine because of the company he kept. He ended up losing everything because of that addiction which drove him to spend his hard earned money on drugs. When the money was finished, he started stealing and robbing shops and selling his body and pimping out his girlfriend just to feed his addiction. All because of one bad friend who just gave him that. Sometimes we have to be very careful in who we trust with our lives because a lot of people on this earth are not happy for your success. That man Ted Williams has such a golden voice for radio that you would think its computerized but because of one wrong move he ended up on the street. Luckily for him, someone found him and recorded him and shared his clip on the internet and he got a second chance to life. He is back on his feet again.
He is one of the favored people. Grace found him, but no everyone can be that lucky. You can become like the company you keep but you may end up losing your life and sanity in the process and you will not be given a second for any of those. We should always be careful and listen to the energy the person gives and make judgment on that.
.
There is a proverb that says that you are the company which you keep, its not like the people you associate with teach you to be like them, you automatically just absorb their energies and viola, you are exactly like them. Birds of the same feather flock together right? Exactly that.
Imagine being a person who has just decided that I will never drink alcohol again then you start hanging out with drunkards who are ever telling you Bernah, why dont you just try this drink, it is very sweet next thing you are hooked to the alcohol and it will take you exactly 2 decades or more to just get rid of that addiction. However if you get to look inside of you and reboot your system, you will realize that you are not like them. You never really enjoy to clubs, you would rather be at home be in your underwear and watch The blacklist from morning till night and also find out 1000 ways to make an income instead of spending it unnecessarily on alcohol and also discover your God given gifts of writing and entrepreneurship.
Yesterday, I watched a You tube clip on a man called Ted Williams who just got addicted to crack cocaine because of the company he kept. He ended up losing everything because of that addiction which drove him to spend his hard earned money on drugs. When the money was finished, he started stealing and robbing shops and selling his body and pimping out his girlfriend just to feed his addiction. All because of one bad friend who just gave him that. Sometimes we have to be very careful in who we trust with our lives because a lot of people on this earth are not happy for your success. That man Ted Williams has such a golden voice for radio that you would think its computerized but because of one wrong move he ended up on the street. Luckily for him, someone found him and recorded him and shared his clip on the internet and he got a second chance to life. He is back on his feet again.
He is one of the favored people. Grace found him, but no everyone can be that lucky. You can become like the company you keep but you may end up losing your life and sanity in the process and you will not be given a second for any of those. We should always be careful and listen to the energy the person gives and make judgment on that.
.
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